Sunday, January 11, 2009

I'm Not Willing

I'm not willing to just let my friends "go". How is that done?!?
I returned from a funeral for a friend, and I feel stunned. I'm afraid to live another day because what if someone else that I love will "leave"? I don't want to do this. I don't like being the adult. This is too painful. ... yet isn't this what everyone has to live through?

I feel like I'm not strong. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a sappy romantic who tells everyone she knows that she loves them (in some way or another I hope). I feel blessed to have enjoyed the experiences that I was given. I feel overjoyed to have had some precious moments, those little things that are so personal. I want to resist change-

And yet, with change comes new moments in a day. They might not show up immediately, but there are still days for fun, days for lingering, days to enjoy moments with those we love.

I want to walk with a lighter step tomorrow, knowing that the day is open for new experiences and opportunities to enjoy someone else. Tonight I walk a little slower, a little heavier... and that's okay too.

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