I'm Not Willing

I'm not willing to just let my friends "go". How is that done?!?
I returned from a funeral for a friend, and I feel stunned. I'm afraid to live another day because what if someone else that I love will "leave"? I don't want to do this. I don't like being the adult. This is too painful. ... yet isn't this what everyone has to live through?

I feel like I'm not strong. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a sappy romantic who tells everyone she knows that she loves them (in some way or another I hope). I feel blessed to have enjoyed the experiences that I was given. I feel overjoyed to have had some precious moments, those little things that are so personal. I want to resist change-

And yet, with change comes new moments in a day. They might not show up immediately, but there are still days for fun, days for lingering, days to enjoy moments with those we love.

I want to walk with a lighter step tomorrow, knowing that the day is open for new experiences and opportunities to enjoy someone else. Tonight I walk a little slower, a little heavier... and that's okay too.

A whole life

Everyone has a whole life- A life with dynamics. Everyone that drives by me when I'm driving in my car has a complete life with many variables, with many people that they know, who also have an entire life. It's absolutely mind boggeling to imagine that every single person on this planet Earth has a whole life!

When I'm 80

Many times within a week I wonder what I'll be doing when I'm 80. I want to plan to be busy and happy. If I remember correctly, Laura Ingals Wilder started writing when she was 70. What about that? That would be great.

I want children around me. I love children. I want to be able to be artistic in some way.

I would like to buy a house off the ocean. (That's a dream more than a goal.)

I want to still be crazy in love with my husband.

Whatever I'll be doing, I know that today, and every day, is a day of preparation for when I'm 80. I can practice being who I want to be starting now. Sometimes I think that having only 24 hours in one day just isn't enough! I bet I could use up 36 hours in a day...
I want to spend time with all of my family and all of my friends! I'm thinking: since there isn't enough time to see everyone often, well, let's have a party!! *I'll be calling you soon*

The New Day

Yes, I started my day with a dark roast coffee. yum. I was prayerfully thankful, but I was also busy with my family-- and what could be better? My Dad stopped in for his cup of coffee, and I called my Mom; my children bustled around me... I couldn't be happier!

I might not have any "followers", readers actually, but I'd like to log these entries for my adult children. I hope they enjoy the tidbits of thought that they might not have listened to when I was actively parenting them. I LOVE my adult children!

With the beginning of a new year, and the economy unpredictable, I plan to stay the same. Focus on changing the world- one child at a time- and reaching out with kindness to others I pass.

That and enjoy that lovely cup of morning coffee with my Jesus.